The Storm
by LadyRaider
Summary: PG cause i used one bad word. Takes place right before DeadAlive, Scully is at her mom's house and thinking about life without Mulder


Disclaimer: You know it, I know it, they're not mine.  
  
Im at mom's now, standing outside on her front porch. It's raining out, the cold wind is blowing in my face and moving my hair every which way. But I make no move to go inside, although I have no shoes on and im shivering from the cold. No, even if I wanted to go inside I wouldn't. It's times like these that I can feel Mulder here next to me. I can hear him call my name every time the cold wind blows.   
  
I still can't fully believe that he's gone. At times I almost expect him to come walking through my door with that goofy smile of his on his face and say 'I got you big time'. But that hasn't happened yet, and although my heart doesn't want to believe it, my mind knows that it never will. It's the scientist in me, Dr. Dana Scully knows Fox Mulder is dead. But Agent Dana Scully know's some things are not as they seem.  
  
But in the end the good doctor always wins the battle. And I wake up every morning to a Mulder free world, a world that I wouldn't want to be in if it wasn't for the little one. Yes, im sure I would have killed myself by now if I wasn't already pregnant.   
  
That very well may be the worst part of this all, he never knew. And now he never will. He would've been such a wonderful father. He would've loved to see me through my pregnancy. Im 8 months along now. He would've loved to see the way my stomach looks so bulged out.   
  
A bolt of lightning flashes in the sky and the thunder booms along with it. The little one kicks and I rub my stomach to calm him or her down. "It's ok...mommy's here."  
  
If only daddy was here. How I wish he was.   
  
I went to his grave today, as I do everyday. I stood there, talking to him, for more than 3 hours. I don't even remember all that I said, all I know is somehow I think he heard me. I hope to God he did, I hope that he knows. About the baby and how much I love him.  
  
I don't know if I ever told him that I loved him. We were only together a week before he went missing, but he told me everyday. I might have told him once or twice, but I think he understood that im not as open with my emotions. But, if I had him here with me right now, I would tell him, over and over again.   
  
More lighting and thunder. It's amazing, the storm, that is. Nature never ceases to amaze me, this storm reminds me of that case with the man who controlled the weather through his emotions. It stormed like this on that case. It's ironic, how I would hate to go on those cases in rural Nebraska or Oregon, but now I would do anything just to be on one of those cases again. Anything to be sleeping in a cheep motel room with Mulder right next door.  
  
But now, that can never happen again. It scares the hell out of me that Mulder will won't be there for me anymore. He was my rock, my touchstone, my everything. Without him I don't know how I'll live, I don't know how I do.   
  
I shouldn't have let him go, I should have made him stay, I know that if I had asked him enough he would have. I should have asked him to stay.  
  
The door opens and mom steps outside, "Dana honey, come inside, it's freezing out here. You'll catch your death."  
  
"I miss him so much mom."   
  
"I know you do honey, I miss him too."  
  
"I can't believe I'll never see him again."  
  
"Oh but you will...in the eyes of your child...in it's smile, every time you look at his and your baby, you'll see him."  
  
"I don't know if it's enough."  
  
"It probably won't be Dana, but, you have to go on living...for the baby. For Fox. Because it's what he would want you to do, he wouldn't want you to mope around missing him."  
  
"I know, mom, I know. But I can't help it. I feel so empty without him."  
  
She walks to me and hugs me tightly, "I know how you feel honey. And I wish I could tell you it will go away, but it doesn't. The hurt is always there, no matter what happens. But you can't let it consume you. You can't let it control your life."  
  
Then I hear crying, it takes me a while to realize that its me who's crying, and mom's whispering words of comfort into my ear, although she and I both know they aren't helping. I sink down to where im sitting on the cold porch and mom comes right along with me. I hang onto her for dear life and she runs her hands through my hair.  
  
"It's going to be ok Dana, it's going to be ok."  
  
God, I hope it will.  
  
a/n: that's all folks. Yet another short story that popped into my mind. Hope you like it. Please review. 


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